You know that feeling when your kid comes home talking about something they learned that you've never heard of? That's exactly where many of us find ourselves with AI right now. Except this time, it's not just a new slang term or the latest movie character. It's technology that's fundamentally changing how our kids learn, create, and interact with the world.

At the same time, headlines are popping up with frightening stories about the dangers and risks associated with AI and children (and adults of all ages). Do they at times spur a knee-jerk desire to just move off the grid and cut off all access to technology? Sure. Then I shift to framing these stories as a way to wake us up to the reality that our kids are growing up as "native AI users" while many parents are still figuring out what ChatGPT even does.

Here's what I've learned: we can't parent from the sidelines on this one.

So what does engaged AI parenting actually look like? It starts with borrowing a concept from the tech world.

From "Human-in-the-Loop" to "Parent-in-the-Loop"

In the tech and AI world, there's a concept called "human-in-the-loop" which is the idea that humans should remain involved in AI decision-making processes, providing oversight, guidance, and final approval. It's about ensuring that despite AI's capabilities, humans maintain control and judgment.

For families? We need the same principle, but with our unique lens of nurturing and protecting our children.

Parent-in-the-loop thinking means:

• We're not outsourcing parenting decisions to AI. We're using it as a tool while staying actively involved
• We're testing AI tools before our kids to determine if, when, why and how they might access
• We're learning alongside our kids, not letting them navigate this alone
• We're setting boundaries and teaching values around AI use
• We remain the final decision-makers about what's appropriate for our family

Parent-in-the-loop thinking has become my guiding principle for how we approach AI in our household, and here's why I encourage other parents to consider adopting a parent-in-the-loop mindset.

Why Parent-in-the-Loop Thinking Matters Now

The Reality Check: Our kids are already using AI tools at school, with friends, or on their own. During the AI for Good Global Summit, Yalda Aoukar from the Bracket Foundation notes, "children are native AI users while parents struggle to keep up in the age of generative AI. It's important to close this generational gap and parents need to be more informed of how children are using these tools."

The Stakes Are High: This isn't just about screen time anymore. AI tools can impact our children's privacy, learning development, critical thinking skills, and even their sense of what's real versus generated. Safety and privacy must be our top priority, with effectiveness coming second.

The Opportunity: When approached thoughtfully, AI can create learning opportunities that were previously impossible. But only if we stay engaged as parents.

What Parent-in-the-Loop Looks Like in Practice

1. Communicate and Learn Together

We explore AI tools as a family. When one of my kids uses technology that has AI capabilities, like Spotify or Google, we name it. When the Spotify DJ plays a song that we've been listening to lately, we talk about how and why.

The goal isn't to become AI experts overnight. It's to model curiosity and critical thinking while staying connected to what our kids are experiencing.

2. Set Boundaries and Monitor Use

Just like we have rules about screen time and social media, we need age-appropriate guidelines for AI use. In our house, that means:

• No sharing personal information with AI tools
• Always telling a parent when using AI for schoolwork
• Understanding that AI is a starting point, not the final answer

As experts recommend, we avoid simply forbidding technology (which often leads to secrecy) and instead aim for partnership and supervision.

3. Develop Critical Thinking

One of my favorite moments recently was when Fiona came home saying "Dad tricked us with AI!" She'd realized that something her teacher showed the class was AI-generated, and she was proud that she could tell. This is exactly the kind of skeptical thinking we want to encourage.

We teach our kids that AI outputs should be questioned and fact-checked, that they may contain bias, and that they're not infallible—just like any other source of information.

4. Address Privacy and Ethics

We have ongoing conversations about what information is safe to share, how AI companies might use data, and what it means to use AI ethically. When Caroline wanted to use AI to write a story, we talked about creativity, originality, and using tools to enhance (not replace) her imagination.

5. Find & Name the Fake

We try and practice discernment when images and videos may or may not appear to be AI generated. It's getting trickier by the day as AI advancements are made across all mediums, so we are making it a kitchen table conversation. And my kids are noticing and even saying things like "Dad tricked us with AI!" after her dad attempted to prank us with an AI-generated image of a magically clutter-free room (if only that could be the reality)!

Want to learn how I'm navigating this new territory?
Join my free masterclass: How to Partner with AI Like a Mother Masterclass

The Parent-in-the-Loop Advantage

Here's what I've discovered: when we stay actively involved in our children's AI experiences, we're not just protecting them, we're empowering them. We're teaching them to be thoughtful users of powerful tools rather than passive consumers.

As Jeremy Roschelle, Co-Executive Director of Learning Science Research at Digital Promise suggests in a recent opinion piece in The Hechinger Report, we should "seek out AI tools and applications that are not just incremental improvements, but let you create teaching and learning opportunities that were impossible to deliver before" while also "looking for education technologies that are committed to managing risks around student privacy, inappropriate or wrong content and data security."

Parent-in-the-loop thinking allows us to do both; embrace the educational potential while maintaining appropriate safeguards.

Starting Your Parent-in-the-Loop Journey

If this feels overwhelming, start small:

• Ask your kids what they know about AI. You might be surprised by what they've already discovered.
• Try one AI tool together and talk about it. Notice what it does well and where it falls short.
• Set some basic family guidelines about when and how AI tools can be used.
• Model thoughtful AI use yourself. Let your kids see you questioning AI outputs and using tools responsibly.
• Stay curious, not fearful. Your kids will pick up on your energy. Approach AI with thoughtful curiosity rather than anxiety.
• Learn about it from other parents. This is exactly why I created the LIKEAMOTHER.AI community–to help parents like me discover a simpler path to more confident, productive, and present parenting in the age of AI, while continuing to keep our children's best interests in mind.

We're not trying to control something that's impossible to control. We're teaching our children to navigate a world where AI is omnipresent. With the collective goals of navigating thoughtfully, intentionally, and with strong human values as our guide.

Parent-in-the-loop thinking isn't about being perfect or having all the answers. It's about staying engaged, staying curious, and ensuring that as AI becomes more prevalent in our children's lives, human wisdom and values remain at the center.

Our primary role as parents hasn't changed: nurture and protect our kids so they can grow into healthy, thriving humans. Parent-in-the-loop thinking is simply an additional approach to how we fulfill that role in the age of AI.

What does parent-in-the-loop thinking look like in your family? I'd love to hear how you're navigating this new landscape with your kids.

Related Resources:

• LIKEAMOTHER.AI Community
• LIKEAMOTHER.AI Prompt Library

Sources:

• School AI: 9 Key Strategies for Talking to Parents About AI in the Classroom
• Day of AI: Family Tools and Resources
• Children and Screens: Youth and Generative AI Guide for Parents and Educators
• UNICRI: AI Literacy for Children Guide
• Are Our Children Using AI Without Us Noticing?
  
• OPINION: As they face conflicting messages about AI, some advice for educators on how to use it responsibly

About Julie: Working mom, former teacher, and founder of LIKEAMOTHER.AI. Currently figuring out how to help other parents turn AI into a productivity partner without losing what makes parenting meaningful.